lherelenfeline: (Ritts)
I'd been having really unpleasant digestive symptoms for the past 6 months. Summarized without too much detail, it's been half a year of nearly non stop diarrhea/ loose stool. It's not resposive tochages in diet, or over the counter medication. The only reason I've been able to function at all, is a prescription strength anti-diarrheal pill. My PCP ran tests for parasites and bacterial infections, which turned up negative. So I finally went to a specialist who recommeded a colonoscopy. Which was yesterday.

The good news is that the pictures didn't show anything awful, which is also the bad news because I am now going to have to deal with more tests. That said, I did learn something pretty interesting about myself.
When I was diagnosed with ADHD five years ago, I went though a bunch of different mediactions to see what would work to manage my symptoms. I tried everythign from Ritalin to the fancy non-stimulant types, and the only thing that would work was generaic ass Adderal IR (immediate release).

Back then, my provider told me that my brain chemistry could possibly settle down in a few years and I could go on the extended release version of the medication. This would of course be very welcome because frankly, I'd rather take 1 pill, once a day, instead of .5 of a pill, 3x a day. Well, with the colonoscopy happening, I tried Adderall XR, and let me tell you it's still the same. I've been unable to concentrate, jittery as hell and crving nicotine for the first time in a year. It's having the exact opposite effect of what the immediate release version does. It's taken me nearly 2 hours to get this entry drafted up, which is a pretty clear illustration that the XR aint working.

So, while my guts are in full rebellion stiil, at leats my brain chemistry has settled into a reliably stable state?
Yay me.

Oh, and I've starte dmy own practice, but that's a different story for a different day.


Apr. 21st, 2016 05:49 pm
lherelenfeline: (Ritts)
So MIA had this to say about the Black Lives Matter movement "Is Beyoncé or Kendrick Lamar going to say Muslim Lives Matter? Or Syrian Lives Matter? Or this kid in Pakistan matters?"

All I can think of in response is, when will MIA say LTTE victims' lives matter?
lherelenfeline: (Ritts)
Watching the election season heat up, I wish I could bring myself to care about the outcome of the Democratic primaries.
The reality however is that I will vote for whoever ends up getting the nomination, even though I really would rather it not be Clinton, because as a queer person of color I have no choice.

The GOP considers me less than, would strip me of legal protections up to and including the ability to use a public loo.
As many issues as I have with the Democrats, at least that party will let me pee.

The word to describe this situation is "pathetic".
lherelenfeline: (Ritts)
I have few very specific things to point out.

  1. The Hammonds, the Oregon ranchers whose supposedly unjust setntece for multiple acts of arson and poaching is beging used as a pretext for the Bundys' war games don't want them there. neither do the rest of the locals.

  2. The Hammonds got the mandatory minimum for what they did and the feds let them serve the 5 year terms concurrently. Pretty dam generous for numerous acts of arson and poaching. They have reported to prison and are notinvolved in the shitshow.

  3. This whole thing can be described as "When mandatory minimums affect entitled white people." Where the fuck were all these people decrying the injustice of mandatory minimums when the people suffering under them were perceived as all poor ghetto black people? The 9th Circuit opinion upholding the Hammonds' sentences is a freaking walk through the hair raising injustices wrought by the mandatory minimum system as it exists now. We're 'tough on crime", and that means rich white ranchers as well as ghettor drug dealers.

lherelenfeline: (Ritts)
And it doesn't feel any different.

Still processing the wedding, which wasn't a complete shit show, much to my surprise.

Will write more later
lherelenfeline: (Ritts)
R and I are getting marriaed Nov 6.

Holy crap.

We got the license today, and THAT, not the deposits for the venue, not the shelling out $$ for catering, not dealing with the guest list, THAT is what made it feel real for me.
I guess I'm a lawyer down to my bones.

We are pulling it off for under 3K, which I think is reaosnable.

The only bit that really blows is that some of the people i really wanted to come can't make it, for money reasons. And there isn't anythign I can do about it...

I'm thinking an East Coast tour at some point next summer might be a good idea, just to reconnect, but we'll see what shakes out.

For now, we are T-22 days and I have to put the pedal to the metal.
lherelenfeline: (Ritts)
And we have a venue and a guest list with 30% RSVP rate.

And $400 in the bank.

Dear old dad is covering the food ( and the emotional blackmail has begun already).

I just want to elope.

lherelenfeline: (Ritts)
I'm getting married in 5 months.
[commence freakout]
lherelenfeline: (Ritts)
It's the middle of February and we are planning our November wedding. I'm the only one working, R is in shool full time. Even with a tiny, tiny budget of 2K, it's very hard to same money for anything even resembling a reception.

And then there's Pennsic.
Pennsic is home. It's 2 weeks of joy and recharging amongst people I consider more or less family. I haven't been able to afford to go since 2011. In 2012 R was in school and there was no money for me to go. In 2013 I was sitting the bar exam, and there was no money for me to go because R was in school and I was looking for work. In 2014 I had just started a job, and R was in school full time so we couldn't afford it. This year, R is taking an 8 week intensive at Middlebury at the cost of 10K, and we are saving for the wedding, so again, there's no money.

At this point, I'm starting to think it will never happen. And that hurts.

I get that R wants a proper wedding, with a reception and family and all that. I would be perfectly happy with an elopment.
But really, I just want to go home for 2 weeks.
lherelenfeline: (Ritts)
So the Republicans now have bought both the House and the Senate.
We are so very, very fucked.

Its over

Jul. 11th, 2014 09:16 am
lherelenfeline: (Default)
Dill is gone.
He passed at around sunrise on Wednesday.
Our sweet boy hung on until we went to sleep at around 2 in the morning, and I found his body about a foot away from our bed and I got up at 6.
He was still warm. His body was normal temperature and pliable, but he was clearly not breathing.

We are both devastated.
When I was writing my previous entry, he was saying his goodbyes.

After he came back from the vet on Monday, Dill spent time in all of his favorite spots. He was starting to refuse food, and growing weaker, but he found the strength to growl at Fuzz for getting handsy, to eat some of his fvorite junk food treats and to cuddle with us and purr.

He gave Rodger one last night of falling asleep cuddled up with Dill under the cover. We both got our beard groomed one last time. I got to bury my nose in his fur and breathe the corn chip smell of him while he purred with all of his strenth. Dill had the deepest, loudest purr of any cat I've ever known. He purred so deep, and so loud that he vibrated with it.

On Tuesday he couldn't purr anymore. He had no strength to eat, or to lift his head for a drink of water. It was the end, we knew, and we scheduled a vet to come to our place on Wednesday evening to ease him over the Rainbow Bridge.

And as usual, Dill beat us to the punch. He was always getting off our laps just a split second before we were ready to let him off. He spared us the euthanasia process, but we weren't ready. I don't think we ever could have been. He was only 5.
lherelenfeline: (Ritts)
Dill Pickle isn't doing well.

We had to take him back to the vet this morning, because there was fluid in his chest again.
That visit took up a large portion of our food budget for the month.
Our vet believes that the cause is either an extreme deterioration of his heart, or Lymphoma. At this point the focus is on palliative care, and being able to afford to euthanize him at home.

His bills have come up to over $3K, and there is likely more coming. We have maxed out the credit that is available to us, and we need help.

I personally feel like a failure for having to ask for financial help, but my partner has put together a Go Fund me page for him.

Please help if you can.

Thank you.


Goddamn it

Jul. 7th, 2014 01:30 am
lherelenfeline: (Default)
Its 1 30 am, and we are the emergency vet. The Pickle has heart failure, and they've just pumped half a litre of fluid out from his chest.
They're keeping him in the ICU, running tests, keeping him in an oxygen cage, and I'm about to max out the last of my credit cards.

I don't know how I will afford saving my cat.
I'm a nonprofit lawyer. After I pay the rent and bills, there is $ 400 left over for 2 cats and 2 humans.
Fuck my life


Jun. 9th, 2014 09:32 pm
lherelenfeline: (Ritts)
I get a job and step away from LJ for a bit, and the whole interface changes.
Not sure if i like it.
lherelenfeline: (Ritts)
You know what I dont need the day before trial?
A freaking back spasm that won't quit.

Holy crap!

Mar. 14th, 2014 12:14 am
lherelenfeline: (Default)
In the past day I interviewed a second time for the family law job, won my motion against the big mean firm, and got the job.

Holy crap!
lherelenfeline: (Ritts)
Tomorrow I get to find out if I got the job I really really want.
I feel I made a mistake getting my hopes up. They've already offered the job to someone else, and Im the back up. If he decodes to take it, and he would be a fool to turn it down, I stand no chance.

And now I've got my hopes up and I'm on pins and needles.

It doesn't help that I am now flat broke, and have effectively no money to live on.
And to top it off I decoded to take on the meanest insurance defense firm in town, pro bono, for shits a giggles.

lherelenfeline: (Ritts)
It's snowing in Portland, and its beautiful and I'm stuck inside, sick.
So unfair.
lherelenfeline: (Ritts)
That is all.
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