(no subject)

Ivan, my last semi serious boyfriend, or as serious as one can be at 16 - 17 , died in a car crash last night.

I dont know what to think, or feel. Is there any protocol of what to  do when the last person you actually fell in love with dies and you're not ready to let go because he was better as a friend than he ever was as a boyfiend?

I keep on hoping that it was some April fools joke, except that its not, and I miss him even though we weren't close lately.

It's too soon after Anton, too soon and there are no answers.

I'm 21 and we seem to be having high school reunions at funerals.